This email is gonna be a long one, a two-parter, but light on everything else, so you can just read my stories for today.

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I really thought I would be able to write last week's newsletter on the plane on the way back from Boston.

I had the intention of sharing my thoughts and where I was at with less than 48 hours to go until my surgery, and sure, I would be raw, but I could be vulnerable and real with you, show you what was really going on in my mind.

What I did not expect though, was to go from having the best day, cheering at mile 22 of the Boston Marathon with Pioneers and Trailblazhers and celebrating Ryan's 2:27 (and first place non-binary runners), to suddenly feeling like the air had been sucked out of my lungs and having a panic attack.

That is exactly what happened when a few friends and I went out to eat that evening. All of a sudden, the grief, fear, and anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks and I ran out of the restaurant.

I tried to calm my breathing (but couldn't); I tried to tell myself I would be okay (but didn't know what to do with the overwhelming fear of the unknown); I tried to talk to friends (but could barely get any words out).

From that moment on, until about 2pm the next day, tears streamed down my face non-stop. I could feel my body in fight or flight mode, and nothing my friends did could help me regain control of my emotions.

On the plane, I began to think about Steve not being at the sugery with me, and I couldn't bear it; how did I ever think I would be okay without him there? I was so grateful to my friends, Michael and Ryan, for coming with me, but Steve, he is my rock.

My friend Emily (Saul), told me to find things that brought me comfort. It didn't matter what they were, seek out whatever brings comfort. Hand-holding and cuddles from Michael and Ryan helped, focusing on breathing helped a little, but to my own surprise, what calmed my nervous system the most was Backstreet Boys.

So for the next five hours, I listened to their songs over and over.

I continued to cry, I continued to process it through, something I had not really given myself the opportunity to do with Boston Marathon weekend, until all of a sudden, I felt the urge to sing to Backstreet Boys. I felt myself calm.

Maybe it was because my sister Jess reminded me that I like control and this situation gave me none whatsoever.

Maybe it was because Backstreet Boys had done their job.

Or maybe it was just that I needed to process what was about to happen, and I had given my brain the space to do that.

So for the rest of the day, while fear came to me a few times, I mostly felt at peace. And while I definitely didn't sleep well that night, I felt I rested; I felt calm.

Once I was taken back to the pre-op area, the tears began to flow again. But this time, rather than fighting it, wondering why I was reacting that way, I held Ryan's hand and was gentle to myself. I was allowed to be scared, but I also knew I would be okay. I didn't know what this involved or what this would be, but I would do my best.

I knew that this was it, this was the few moments before the race started, and like in my elite career, once the gun went off, I would deal with the situation with precision and calm; I would perform.

And here I am, five days post-surgery, sitting here on Earth Day, feeling extremely grateful:

To my body, for healing so well already. They took me out of a cast the day after, so I can see the healing occuring before my eyes.

To Dr. Haytmanek and his team, as well as PT Ana Robinson and her team, for giving me the absolute best chance of full recovery after an Achilles surgery.

To Michael Clemons, for being the absolute best friend I could imagine with his support and taking care of me in the 48 hours post-surgery. What you did in that period goes so far beyond what a best friend should do, I can't even believe it.

To Ryan Montgomery for making your few days in CO much more stressful, so you could be there for me when I needed you most.

To my parents and Steve, for doing so much, so I can rest and focus on healing.

To the people who have been there throughout this process as I wrestled with what to do. My best friends, my family, and especially Stephanie Howe and Dr. Brennan Donahue.

And to every single person who has reached out to send love and well wishes or checked in. The few hours before I went in, the tears in my eyes were from gratitude for just how loved I am. I seriously don't understand how I have been so forutnate with the people in my life who love me.

So here I sit, recovering, swallowing my pride, and learning more about myself, but knowing, out the other side of this, I am gonna be a better, stronger version of Tina than I was before, and I look forward to meeting her.

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It's Earth Day! A day I really wrestle with. While I love that there is so much love and attention given towards our beautiful Mother Earth on this day, I love that the gratitude and appreciation for this planet shines through, it also breaks my heart when on April 23 each year, everything goes back to normal.

We go back to trying to buy our way out of problems.

We go back to pretending that everything is okay (when we have that low level anxiety in our bellies always).

We go back to feeling hopeless and helpless as one individual.

Because the reality is,

When we do think about ourselves as one in eight billion, of course we can't see how we make a difference,

When we hear conflicting advice and suggestions on what we should do, of course we feel confused about what to do, even if we want to help,

When we are told by environmental activists that time is running out, it doesn't help motivate us; it makes us feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.

Which is why, in my social media post yesterday, my one request (and I give the same request to you), is to pledge to get out and touch nature each and every day. Of course I recognize it is not going to be 365. Even I don't manage to do that, life happens, but if you give youself an imperfect pledge that every day you will put the phone down and get out there to touch nature with your skin, I genuinely believe the rest will follow.

I believe that organizing and mobilizing as a community is the only way we can figure this out, but the onlyl way to do that is by bringing people IN, rather than shaming them for not doing enough. That is why I am here to give you places to get started (which is where 100 days of sustainability came from; you can sign up here). I want you to feel like you have something to contribute (which you do!! Yes, you!!), and will help you find out what that is.

I know that the running community and the endurance world can be global leaders, but I need each and every one of you to prove it. I am not asking for big sweeping pledges like, "I won't use plastic water bottles for the rest of the year" because in reality you will need to at least once; I will too.
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This is not a pass or fail. We need people to feel they can be imperfect at this; I am.

In fact, we have been working on a sustainability tool kit and plan for small races. I wanted to have it ready to launch today because it's Earth day, right?....and yet, we were not able to do it, and that is OKAY! I am imperfect, and so are you.

The most important thing is to get started.

You can join me for a plog when I am next in a city near you. Here is one from our Boston blog (see how many celebrity runners you can pick out!)

Want to host your own plog?

You can use your own hydration on your next race.

As far as I know, ALL races allow handheld bottles, and all but Boston allow vests with bottles in the front.

and most important, you can get out and touch nature.

Go do it, right now. Put your hands on a tree's trunk, and just rest there; it is magic.

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This week on the Running For Real podcast...

Here's the official description:

Empathy is at the core of Roberto Mandje’s training methods. He believes in meeting people where they are, which is also where he believes running will meet you. His philosophy stems from his multi-cultural upbringing and his professional running career, when he competed in the 2004 Olympics, the IAAF World Cross Country Championships, and twice in the XTERRA Trail World Championship.

Thanks to our partner, AG1

In the days prior to my sugery and certainly the days since, I have been very conscious of what I am putting into my body. I want everything to support my body in healing and recovering as quickly as possible (with of course, a few exceptions; life is for living!). A critical piece of that has been my daily AG1, now more important to me than ever.

It’s important to me that the supplements I take are of the highest quality and, and that’s why, for five years, I’ve been drinking AG1. Quality, for AG1, isn't just a buzzword; it's a commitment backed by expert-led scientific research, high-quality ingredients, industry-leading manufacturing, and rigorous testing. I know I can trust what’s in every scoop of AG1 because they obsess over product quality, the standards of manufacturing partners, and sustainable 
practices.

Taking care of my health shouldn’t be complicated, and AG1 simplifies this by making it so there aren’t a million different pills and capsules to keep track of - just one scoop of 
AG1, mixed in water, every day.

AG1’s ingredients are heavily researched for efficacy and quality, and I love that every scoop also includes prebiotics, probiotics, and digestive enzymes for gut support.

Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription (for friends in UK, US, Europe, and Canada, that is available to you!)

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Be kind to one another, yourself, and this beautiful planet of ours.

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Enjoying these? Why not forward to a friend who may enjoy. Encourage them to sign up and get these emails on a Monday too.

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