What you saw online was the smiles (and yes, the ugly tears at the finish too). You saw the raw emotion. The emotion so powerful I couldn't hide it from my face.

The photos from South Africa were that. Joy, overwhelm, glee, fear, maybe even a little cheekyness, and I was thriving.

Not just in the race itself, but the time after. Having a few days after for curiosity, adventure, exploration once the race was done.

I even went horse riding, something that was a critical part of my identity for most my childhood, but I left behind as a 15 year old and never looked back.

Like literally.

I went from riding every single week (often multiple times a week) to absolutely nothing. I didn't ride a horse for over 17 years, until last Friday when I broke that waaaaay too long streak.

And it was won-der-ful. Cantering across Mossel Bay was just magical.

Later that day, I sat on a plane for 16 hours, and by the next morning, I was home.

Where reality hit me like a punch in the face.

Mum and caretaker again.

My 19 month journey to my goal complete.

Realizing I had been white knuckling the last few months moving and finding our feet in a new city that I suddenly realized I live here, but am not settled yet.

I felt terrible.

Not physically, although of course, yes, a 16 hour flight plus two hour drive will wreak havoc on your body.

But more mentally.

It has been SO long since I set a goal for a race, and with the meaning and significance behind this one being so mega, post race blues isn't even close to describing the loss I was feeling.

The worst part though, was the shame I felt for feeling the way I did.

As someone who goes on and on about how evolved they are from their past versions. Of how much I have grown. Of how less wrapped up my identity is in any one area, here I was, feeling the lowest of low. Worse than I have in years. Feeling like I was losing my mind.

I even put on my favorite crying playlist and wallowed in it (trust me, you don't wanna know how depressing the songs are on that playlist! Avril Lavigne has a few songs on there, I will tell you that much ;) ).

Of course, its expected. I know that on a logical level.

If any of my loved ones came to me with the same scenario, I would have told them that they absolutely should be feeling that way, it would be a miracle if they weren't.

And as you know, we are the worst at listening to our own advice, giving ourselves the same courtesy.

So much for more evolved.

I needed the exact same advice my sports psychologist and dear friend, Evie gave me over 10 years ago.

Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend. Talk to yourself as you would a young sister.

Hopefully someday that message will lodge itself in my brain for good. But a few days ago, I simply couldn't look at things that way.

It was really rough.

Thankfully, I knew to talk about it, and my loved ones were there for me in the best possible, at-times-tough-love-kinda-way (I love you 😘).

Now, I have processed enough to be more gentle with myself.

I resisted the urge to sign up for another race already, to book the next trip, to tell myself to shut up and get over it.

It sucked, but I am feeling better.

I debated whether to share this or not. Is it too much information? Is it something I should keep to those closest to me?

Possibly. But I also know that shame wants to hide in the darkness, exposing it to the light takes the power away. I know that others probably feel the same way, and speaking to one of my friends who shared that she remembered a time feeling the exact same way in her past, helped me immensely this week.

So here we are.

As someone who feels her emotions deeply, I know I have to let myself feel it all. I will get back on track. Maybe by the end of the day, maybe in a month. For now, I need to let myself feel, and I will be okay.

Races have an obligation to do their part environmentally to minimize impact. Yes, that is very much true. I wrote about this for Running USA recently.​

AND we as runners also have as much of an obligation to let our favorite or local races know that this matters to us. That part, we sometimes don't want to hear, want to pretend we don't know, leave it to them to do the right thing.

But believe me, you reaching out to these races to tell them that you noticed, you see the sustainable choices they are making matters. Or that it is important to you that they do step up and do more if they want you to remain a loyal customer. Tell them to sign up for Racing For Sustainability, and we will give them everything they need to make it easy.

Their part matters, but so does yours, your voice, especially locally, is important.

I shared a few weeks ago that my tinamuir website had a revamp, and it reminded me that it is peak time to reshare my all time most popular blog post, that is how many of you found me.

So save this blog post on your browser, turns out I am good at recommending what to wear in the winter. Millions of people have used this, and I hope it is helpful for you too.

Just promise there is no laughing at 2014 Tina poses ;)

“We’re built to live simultaneously in love and loss, bitter and sweet.”

― Susan Cain

Thanks to our partner, HydraPak

Look at any photo of me running UTCT 100k and you will see a HydraPak item.

I put my Precision flow gel into the nutrition flasks, which made it ridiculously easy to get my fueling in every 24 minutes (yep, I had an alert set on my watch to remind me) for 16 hours.

I had a HydraPak bladder (or resevoir as they call it) on my back, providing me a constant stream of hydratio and electrolytes.

I had HydraPak Pocket Flask bottles in the front of my pack, for longer stretches where the 1.5L resevoir wasnt enough (and when my back started to ache with the weight of the water plus soaked required items I had to carry.

So yeah, HydraPak was there for me in the TCS New York City Marathon, as I refilled my Tempo Pro bottle four times along the way, but they were was also there for every single step of my 100k.

I don't think I need to say more. You know I love these products and believe wholeheartedly they are the absolute best out there. If 2026 is the year you intend to make the switch (or at least the attempt) to carrying your own hydration, go ahead and order yourself an early gift, you can get 10% off with my link and code TINAMUIR10 below.

And yes, before you ask, I am working with the races on a refill station plan for their races, stay tuned, more information coming soon ;)

--

Be kind to one another, yourself, and this beautiful planet of ours.

Enjoying these? Why not forward to a friend who may enjoy. Encourage them to sign up and get these emails too. And if you missed an email, or would like to reread one, you can find past newsletters here.